Normal People got me through the pandemic, and it's still getting me through life
Illustration by Ruby Ash
by Adeline Chai
I didn’t think BBC / Hulu’s Normal People series would become anything more than a TV show that entertained me during the COVID-19 pandemic. However, years later now, I still find myself thinking about the show's characters occasionally, as if they were real people who lived beyond a fictional program.
Adapted from Sally Rooney’s second novel, the show hinges on two Irish young adults, Marianne and Connell, struggling to find their place in the world.
Connell is a well-loved athlete at school, but he’s soft-spoken and spirals in and out of anxiety. He seems frustrated by his inability to be his true self when he’s not around Marianne, yet refuses to lose the validation he receives from his circle of friends. Marianne, on the other hand, is assertive, but also insecure. She pursues a pattern of destructive relationships where she neglects her own needs. Her home environment is nothing less than turbulent — she walks on eggshells around a brother who abuses her physically and mentally while her mother watches.
The power of vulnerability
Though Marianne and Connell’s endless cycle of self-destruction is tragic, the most beautiful part of this series is watching them slowly morph into healthier individuals who develop emotional armor.
In episode eight, Marianne finally tells Connell about the abuse she experiences at home. Devastatingly, she says, “I don’t know why I can’t make people love me. I think there was something wrong with me when I was born.” Overcome by shock, Connell asks her why she didn’t share this with him when they were together. “I suppose I didn’t want you to think I was damaged,” Marianne replies quietly.
Watching this scene when most of your deeper, real-life conversations have sung a similar tune feels like a thousand daggers to the heart. There have been too many instances where I have paused instead of going further about an experience due to shame.
I, too, didn’t want anyone to think that I was damaged.
In a later episode, Connell reassures Marianne. “I hope you know that none of those things are your fault, and there’s nothing wrong with you. I know you’re a good person, and I say that as someone who really knows you.”
Psychologist Dr. Sandra Parker writes in Psychology Today that many factors contribute to one’s fear of vulnerability. “We may have been taught in our family that to be vulnerable is to be weak. We all have biological wiring that unconsciously perceives sympathetic nervous system activation as a threat,” she states.
“When we can soothe unrest and stay with ourselves in the emotions that accompany vulnerability, we grow confidence that we can cope, and we can feel worthy of love without conditions.”
Ruby Ash
Connell’s breakthrough begins in Episode 10 — the whole episode revolves around Connell receiving therapy and processing grief. When a high school friend, Rob, dies by suicide, he is encouraged by his roommate, Niall, to receive professional mental health support after experiencing prolonged and exacerbated symptoms of depression, such as restlessness and loss of energy.
Normal People’s depiction of depression is blunt but sincere — depression is portrayed accurately as mundane, draining, and both predictable and uncontrollable. I couldn’t help but feel validated when the camera pans to Connell, visibly in disbelief as he circles the “I dislike myself” option on the self-assessment test one takes on the first day of therapy. I remember it all too well, having sat in the waiting room of a psychology clinic with that clipboard in hand, feeling like I had just received a life sentence for each statement I chose.
It’s difficult not to well up at the scene where Connell lays everything out in the open in the psychologist’s office — he confesses he’s not just grieving Rob’s death — he’s also mourning the life that died with him.
“I left Carricklea thinking I would have a different life, but I hate it here, and I can never go back,” Connell sobs. It seems he had suppressed his feelings for so long that once the gates guarding them had opened, there was no controlling how quickly they would spill over.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the number of men who died by suicide in the United States was four times higher than that of women in 2021. Worryingly, a meta-analysis of nine articles from 2019 found that men, in comparison to women globally, were more likely to not seek help for their mental health issues. Instead, they tend to turn to self-medicative coping mechanisms, alcohol use frequently being one of them.
Dr. Darshan Mehta believes that men need to stop themselves from resisting mental health services, as depression can lead to more physical issues.
“While men may recognize these changes when they occur, they may not know the root cause, or if they do, what they can do about it,” Dr. Mehta explains. “A therapist can help identify the source of your problems and then help resolve them.”
Similarly, licensed marriage and family therapist John Kim says: “I think we believe that if we see a therapist, we are admitting defeat. We are admitting we can’t fix it on our own. The last bit is partially true. We can’t. But that’s OK.”
Many things can be true at once. It takes a village and embarking on the work of finding the right therapist might be one of the best ways to steer your ship more smoothly. Normal People was just a TV show that got me through the worst of the pandemic and it’s still something inspiring reflection and growth in me today, years later.